God's Gift

What we are is God's gift to us. What we become is our gift to God. therefore we must be polishing our gift given by God to good use. when people said they are nothing it means they are. because you are given the power to change the world if you cant achieve something with God's given ability it mean the problems is in you for didn't make full use of God's gift. God's creation is perfect. It is men who make themselves imperfect
we are given a good brain full of power to change the world. see from using stones to guns. We had evolve. however not at the same pace? so why? we are made perfectly what slow us down -we.
so make full use of God's gift and stop complain

1 DAY AT NEW YEAR

Yesterday for the first time i had enjoy my New Year. Its a new New Year experience unlike before.I feel less lonly in New Year fir the first time in my life. I dont know what crept onto me. That partucular day I was invited to Lawyat so that two of my friends-E and T can purchase things that they desire-mainly computer assesories and T would have COMPANION when travel back. For the split second, I was shock as if my body was shot by lightning. I dont know what to do as I have to study for great justice and in my heart i know prety well that i couldnt miss one day of studying. therefore in my mind i have deduct a very reasonable answer-reject them! However my body doesnt allow me to however hard I tried. I tried to said NO in my heart but in the end i found i was agree to their request, despite having A LOT OF WORK TO DO. maybe deep down in my subconcuis, i have unfufil wishes which crep in this ealier sem which i try to fufil even now.

No need to said being student we couldnt afford any other transport than bus. After we reach there my back was sore like i been stomp by a giant. Then with them i travel through the whole buiding and at the end of the day my leg and my soul was sore. Further with my fatigue body and mind, i was force.......i mean invite to countdown at Andrew T.O.D church. after a short meeting at Agape Christian house.(AGAPE christian house is in Taman Bunga Raya near Tarc, go visit while it sill in one pieceK...r...n a resident there had announce that she attempt to do some magic in the kits=chen there. i seriously concern for the house well being). the most tiring is singing for four hours. I even sleep there!!


Ironically, I FEEL HAPPY FOR THAT PARTICULAR DAY

FAILURE

I AM SUCH A FAILURE. I FAIL AT ALMOST EVERYTHING. IT SEEM WHATEVER I DO THERE ARE ALWAYS OBSTACLE THAT INTERFERE WITH ME, NEVER A THING I DONE IS SUCCESSFULLY ACCOMPLISHED. THOUGH MANY MY FAILURE ARE MINOR EXCEPT FOR EXCEPTIONAL FEW MAJOR FAILURE, I STILL FEEL ASHAMED OF MY SELF. FOR, THOUGH IT MAY BE UNNOTICEABLE BY OTHERS, BUT I ACTUALLY ARE AMBITIOUS. I NEVER LIKE FAILURE AND NEVER DO. I HAD AND ALWAYS HAVE STRIVE FOR THE BEST FOR ONE REASON ONLY. I ACCEPT ONLY VICTORY! HOWEVER REALITY ARE CRUEL TO ME, THE MORE I WANT VICTORY THE MORE FAILURE I ACHIEVE. IN THE END, I HAD GAIN WHAT I MOST HATE. STUDY I HAD, IMPROVE MY SELF I HAD TRIED, TO BE 1 IN EVERYTHING I DONE. ALL I HAD TRIED TO DO AND ALL HAD FAIL. I EVEN FAIL TO DELIVER SURPRISE TO my friends earlier yesterday.(WHO I SHALL NOT MENTION). I WISH I CAN BECOME MORE SUCCESSFUL

WHAT WRONG WITH ME?

THIS IS THE QUESTION I HAD ASK MYSELF. WHAT HAD I DONE TO MY FRIEND TO DESERVE MY FRIEND WHO IS MY BEST FRIEND IN MY MIND TO HAVE CAME TO DISLIKE AND IGNORE ME? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? AM I BECOME BORING TO YOU? OR EVEN UNBEARABLE TO YOU? what have i done to deserve this i thought we were friends? recenly i thought my heart which is tainted by the snare of loneliness can be wash as i move on from the old life but guess i was wrong.i am alway will be same as i am i guess it is what made who i am. it is what made my personality and my heart which was still stain by lonliness which i guess will never be washed away and can only be scrap of by bits. however, the stain will alway be there,only visible or not. in my state i guess it is prety visible to the extent of irritation to others. i guess my heart is only to contain me only and nothing else and i was my own men, a men who keep to himself. this is what i thought previously and still do now then ever. i thought by excaping past and move on to another area will change my preception but i was wrong. After God, me was all i have and had and which i will take of. i shall take good care of me and love it since it is the person i can cope and friend with the most i hope no one read it

THANKS YOU

FOR ONCE I HAD RECEIVE KINDNESS FROM MY FRIENDS. I WAS REALLY TOUCH FOR NEVER BEFORE I RECIEVE HELP FROM OTHERS WITH SUCH SINCERITY. THE FIRST KINDNESS I RECEIVE FROM NON FAMILY MEMBER. FOR THIS I WANT TO SECRETLY THANK HER FOR HER CONCERN. THIS TOUCHING INCIDENT HAPPENED FEWS WEEKS BEFORE. AT THAT TIME IT WAS DAYS BEFORE MY VOLLEYBALL EXAM. SO NATURELY MY HEART WAS BURDEN WITH WORRIES THAT HAD STEAL AWAY OF MY SLEEPFULL NIGHT. I DID NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO EXCEPT TO CRAWL INTO MY DEEPEST CORNER OF MY HEART TO CRY FOR HELP. IN ADMIST MY WORRIES, GOD SEND A SISTER TO HELP ME OUT TO EASE MY BURDEN. SHE OUT OF THE BLUE, OFFER HER TUTORING TO HELP ME PASS THE VOLLEYBALL TEST AT 4 PM TO FIVE PM. WE PRATICE DIGGING AND SERVING. FRENKLY SHE WAS NOT A VERY GOOD TEACHER, SHE KEEP LECTURING ME TO DIG MORE THAN 30 TIME BUT SHE HERSELF CAN ONLY DIG 2 OR 3 TIMES. SOMEMORE KEEP SAYING HOW GOOD SHE IS. NEVERTHELESS I WAS TOUCH BECAUSE SHE TOOK HER TIME TO OFFER HELP TO ME WHEN SHE HERSELF IS BUSSY. ITS HELP ME A LOT. IT WAS HER HELP THAT I WAS ABLE TO PASS THE VOLLEYBALL TEST. HOWEVER IS NOT HER TUTOURING SKILL THAT HELP ME SINCE SHE IS NOT VERY GOOD, IT WAS HER CONCERN AND KINDNESS THOUGHT.
THANK YOU

Adandon

Abandon. It is the core of my heart. From the day i step into the world i had known that i was and will be always alone. i had always and always will struggle to survive in this world which always seem to trying to devour me. i guess that doesn't matter. this give me strength and power. being alone i have to grow in every way by my self since from the begining i was alone and probably always be. Sometimes, i wish it wasnt true. i wish i had someone to share my feeling . but that someone never came. i guess i suit to be a loner more. sometimes when i gaze at the moon i always feel a feeling of belongings a feeling that similar to wolwes who scream for the feel of bonding with its pack. but i guess that day will probaly never come.

Love . what is love? love to me is a question that answer had not dawn on me. it what i seek but havent achieve. my answer will always be one when my thought on quetion that related to emotion that is i feel nothing. what is joy to others to me it is nothing. just ordinary things that always happened. i had always feel that emotion is a bother and only focus on knowledge. it is motivate me to advance in my life. i had always wonder what it would ex[perince love and feel it. love of any kind friendship and the rest to me it is not comprehanded by me. i feel i am stranger to it. i hope one day i came to experience it. so i would be able to express my self as others. it is hard to express myself for me because a emotionless person cannot express himself can he?